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LOSTANDFOUND

by Stephen Bard

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1.
Bless me father for I have sinned So help me God tonight I fear I will do so again And the following night also And the evening after that too She’s gorgeous and delicious And her kiss is now a tattoo on my heart I fall apart Right from the start I was a goner An affair that I was honored to attend I know the clergy keeps insisting That my soul should be left twisting in the wind So bless me father for I have sinned Bless me father for I am weak Every time she passes by I’m unable to speak I’m so nervous Palms are sweaty and I’m spellbound where I sit Got your sermon in my memory To be hell-bound I admit would be a bitch Ooh ain’t that rich? But she’s this itch I’ve got to scratch I’m at the mercy of her natural physique And by my daddy’s own admission This condition ain’t especially unique So bless me father for I am Weeks and weeks I swear we waited The fear of fire and brimstone looming large Hell I even hesitated when she took my hand And begged me to take charge There’s only so long you can hold it When you’re looking in the eyes Of everything you’ve ever wanted With no need for compromising anymore That’s why I’m knocking at your door Bless me father for I’m in love Her body is the land of milk and honey and it fits me like a glove But even cooler is she’s kinder than anyone I’ve ever met I’m putting on the blinders And I’m hoping that I never get the hook Man I’ve been shook So now I’m looking for a favor Put a word in with our savior up above Eternal judgment for no reason Surely this can’t be what he’s been thinking of So bless me father Bless me father Bless me father for I’m in love I'm in love
2.
The Deep End 05:07
She steps into the shower The beach house down in Seaside All that lucky water Close to her Close to her So hard to breathe She sleeps on the beach Free in somebody’s pool On the weekend She’s the deep end I don’t how to tell her We’re always all together That lucky local surfer Close to her So close to her So hard to breathe She sleeps on the beach Free in somebody’s pool On the weekend She’s the deep end And even if she looked my way It’s all a game What would I say? I don’t know I don’t know How to play How to play How to play How do I tell her? We’re always all together That lucky local surfer Close to her So close to her So hard to breathe She sleeps on the beach Free in somebody’s pool On the weekend She’s the deep end
3.
Michael from the mountain was a man of great desire He routinely wrote it all down and then threw it on the fire Only one in school could hang his heart out on the wire Rita – unlike any other creature There was no love in Rita’s heart for the boy with the potent pen He didn’t look the part He wasn’t like the other men she was interested in seeing You know a Barbie needs a Ken Michael was convinced that he could teach her No matter what he did, you know it never found success Mystery cards on every birthday, hoping she would guess Unrequited love is an endless tunnel of BS For the lonely, desperate fool just trying to reach her But oh we aren’t the ones to write it We aren’t the ones to write that book Oh we aren’t the ones to write it Nobody knows who writes it In a crowded movie theatre on the dark side of the world Michael watched Nicolas Cage try to win The Valley Girl Struck between the eyes, Hollywood thunderbolt unfurled The answer on the screen right there above him Wild Crazy Romance would deliver him his prize He’d become the Great Romantic in a flurry of disguises Whose escapades would surely light the fire in Rita’s eyes And she would be the one now thinking of him His mother noticed first that he was acting kind of strange His friends in A.P. Chemistry just labeled him deranged The Jordache and Capezios were certainly a change That nobody could recognize as serious He did his hair in a pompadour and drank at Sutter’s Mill He got a brand new leather jacket and a bottle of Clearasil He would lay out in a sleeping bag beneath her windowsill Till Rita with desire would be delirious But oh we aren’t the ones to write it She never even came around to look out on the lawn He lay there softly coffin in the cold November dawn And staring at the curtains that forever would stay drawn He didn’t even know she’d gone to Arizona Now some things aren’t meant to be no matter how we crave Most ain’t gonna win the lottery no matter how they save What a waste of time, he thought As they lowered him to his grave He never would have caught that damned pneumonia Oh we aren’t the ones to write it Oh we aren’t the ones to write that book Oh we aren’t the ones to write it We aren’t the ones, we aren’t the ones Oh we aren’t the ones to write it Oh we aren’t the ones to write that book Oh we aren’t the ones to write it Nobody knows who writes it
4.
On occasion, every century or so, Usually in the summer, Venus would assume human form and marry a mortal. The other gods would clutch their stomachs And pee themselves laughing. While she never meant the mortal harm, Jupiter’s dice didn’t care either way. They would fall as they pleased, Regal and free. Enjoying the outcome regardless, Drunk with power. But something occurred the dice did not consider. The mortal found that while he loved Venus And wanted to be with her He was confused as to his truest feelings. This shocked the gods and sent Venus into a spiral of doubt Lasting many years. Suddenly one autumn, as if waking from a strange dream, Venus remembered that all the others in her wake Had always succumbed eventually And this nervy mortal would be no different. In fact, all she had ever had to do was shun him While posing the slightest suggestion Of another vying for her love. Of course everything immediately changed then. Ah, men. So it was in the darkening autumn, Just beyond the swaying trees With a passion upon him now bordering on obsession, Her hapless husband could faintly hear The laughter of the dice and the gods And felt mocked and besieged. Most his waking hours were spent wondering If such rivers of pleasure Were worth such oceans of pain. Sleep filled with trampling horses, A puppet strung up by forces he could not comprehend, The dizzy mortal often considered his own end, Teetering on the edge of insanity. What would she do if I did such a thing? If I daggered my heart? Would she weep if I died? There was no answer but gravity And the faraway voice of Jupiter. “If it can fall, it will.” Many years passed in this manner and yet somehow, The marriage continued on. For no matter what the cost, There was nothing remotely to compare With the love of Venus or the children made from it. Indeed, he must have wondered every day why she had even elected To marry him in the first place, let alone stay with him Through such a relatively narrow and tiny existence. True, through the centuries, The men she chose to enchant and ensnare Had most certainly paid for it. But when the grey departed and the clear blue returned, The silly mortal stood on the wall Gazing upon his beautiful wife and said, “Yes, I would happily give her my entire life again And again and again and again. She is Venus, after all.”
5.
Samurai 04:26
Brandishing the saber at your side Basking in the safety you provided for so long Decades of protection Stretching past perfection to another place Discovered somewhere hidden in a song Was it wrong to ask for more than you could give? Was it selfish wanting you to live forever? Because I did and still do Sad but it’s true that’s no one’s destiny Especially for somebody like you Samurai Couldn’t feel your fingers any longer Ringing in your ears getting stronger every day Strength and hope decaying Reluctant hero fading in the endless night Waiting for another round to play Samurai Why? Samurai Magic with a sword Samurai What you were moving toward I couldn’t follow A beating heart so hollow and so dry When warriors are done do they choose their place to die? Either way with every fiber of my being I can sit here now and cry I do not want to say goodbye Say goodbye Say goodbye Say goodbye Samurai Why?
6.
This is God talking here No it's not a dream Sometimes the unbelievable things are really what they seem You've got a lot of explaining to do little man A lot of explaining to do You see I've been away for a millennium now Wait I'm told that it was two I left this planet in your care What'd you go and do? Stripped her to her naked core Dumped gray in all the blue I'm very angry little man and I've decided this I'm going to take away certain things I know you'll miss This is the last hot water you're ever going to feel Enjoy your little shower boy Don't try to make a deal I'm taking electricity You haven't used it well And forget about the gas and the oil You've shot those things to hell You're such a bad boy Such a bad boy Yes you are You're such a bad boy Such a bad boy The saddest thing about it is I thought you'd realize That it might be time to change things When there's acid in the sky You think you're so significant and all should go your way And I should be at your beckon call Just 'cause one day you wake up and decide to pray I'm very angry little man and I've decided this I'm going to take away certain things I'm sure you'll miss This is the last hot water you're ever going to feel Enjoy your little shower boy Don't try to make a deal I'm taking electricity You haven't used it well And forget about the gas and the oil You've shot those things to hell You're such a bad boy Such a bad boy Yes you are You're such a bad boy Such a bad boy
7.
Andromeda 07:14
I saw you I saw you in a dream Or was it in the sky? I'm still busy wondering what happens when we die I guess you never know until you know By all means, take your sweetest time here with me There's so much more to do and to be here makes me happy I try to keep the fear in its place up on the shelf And enjoy each darling day despite this dread inside myself I'm sorry – I’m sorry To think you’d take an interest in some silly earthling’s melodrama Andromeda Andromeda I saw you I saw you in my mind Or was it on a screen? A denser ring or grander thing I'm sure I've never seen And to think you're just a galaxy away Perhaps you might inspire something in me There's so much left to contemplate, it all just makes me dizzy But knowing that you're there slightly diminishes a qualm And the beauty of your swirl provides a distant kind of calm So thank you – thank you For temporary solace from a half-true existential trauma Andromeda Andromeda I know you’re there Although I cannot see you with my naked eye I know you’re there I know that you can feel my pain and hear me cry Andromeda – Andromeda Dance!

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Followup to FRESHLYSQUEEZED.

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released March 28, 2022

Written, Arranged, Produced & Performed by Stephen Bard.

Copyright 2022. Chocolate Covered Strawberry Music (ASCAP).
Daily Natural Alternative Records. DNA 019.

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